The 2 Week Countdown

For the past couple of months, I have been in the state that I don't want to know too much about the surgery. It was making me anxious hearing about it all. BUT since I hit the 2 week mark, the urgency to KNOW has kicked in. It has been interesting. You can now find me surfing the web daily, reading a fellow previvor's blog, and looking at pictures of what my breasts just MIGHT look like soon. It all is a little scary, but also empowering. It has also helped me to let go of my hopes of being up and around after a week or two and helped me to start being realistic. It is taking away some of the unknowns for me, but helping me to become REAL about the whole thing.

I have had great conversations with my cousin, my sister, my husband and with total strangers. I am learning so much and starting to grasp the intensity of this whole surgery and the emotions that go along with it. I have been on the FORCE website reading questions from other women who are facing the same thing I am. It is so awesome to know you are not alone and that others have survived the surgery and look great, too. Amazing that so many women are faced with this decision. They have great advice and amazing encouragement for those just starting down this path they've already taken.

The one thought that popped into my head today was this: What if they find some precancerous cells or something unusual in the tissue they remove. Ok, not the best question to think about, but hey, it is real. Here I am worrying about the details--who will watch my kids, will my work be covered, will my house be cleaned, will my family have food to eat, but what if they find something?! I know the odds are low, but all of a sudden I realized I should prepare for this, too. This is how my mind is lately......always thinking of something.

So, as you can tell, I have hit a new phase. The emotional part is still there, but it is being overshadowed by the "I want to know it all and right now" gal. I will take it all in stride and prepare for middle of the road (I have heard the extremes, that's for sure!).

BTW, I got my post OP bras--CHECK!!! Thanks to a sweet friend who watched my boys for the day, I was able to go ALONE and check it off my list. Trust me, these days are filled with many do to lists and I have a sense of accomplishment when I get to check something off!