Well, I had my last injection on Monday and it has been an interesting ride since then. I have had little to no sleep which I'm learning is very important when dealing with kids and family. : ) I spend each night going from my back (which in now just as uncomfortable), to my side and then to my other side. And usually each rotation is about 1/2 hour or so.....if that! I have to laugh because I'm pumped when I get 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep (flashbacks to baby days). I haven't had to sleep in a chair since Tuesday night and that is a great step. It is interesting to me to think about how sleep deprivation effects every part of your day. From no patience with the people around you to feelings of depression to uncontrollable emotions- and I mean crying over nothing (which I almost did today at Costco, but not over nothing. Over a crabby, stubborn child. UGH!). It is crazy the way my emotions have been on a roller coaster ride and I'm ready to get off. Let's just say I do a lot of self talk to talk me down from feeling sad and depressed. Thank God I have such amazing Christian friends who keep me focused, encourage me and just pray for me.
I'm also convinced that i am experiencing yet another one of my mom's symptoms. I have shooting pain in my arms- especially when I am trying to sleep. I have vivid memories of my mom sitting on her green couch each night in her pajamas. Now I know why. It is like a wake up call to your body once you place your head on the pillow and I dread it. Nerves come alive that literally jolt my body at times. It is annoying. And I don't even have a body full of cancer. I can't imagine how my mom did it for so long and didn't complain constantly. I am seeing her journey with cancer in such a different light. What an amazing woman!! I still cry that I don't get to see her and talk with her, but wow, what a blessing to have had such an amazing, loving, caring and godly mother.
Now I wait. I have 8 weeks from today until I have my exchange surgery. Somedays (like today) it seems so far away. I'm excited and have to keep focused on why I did this and the outcome when it is all done. I pray everyone is right when they tell me I won't remember the pain and sleepless nights from these past months (another child bearing similarity). I seriously can't wait until I can sleep again (I'm sure my husband can't either). Until the next surgery, I will perfect my sleeping poses, learn to live with shooting pain in my arms and embrace the next step- no matter when it happens.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Exchange Surgery Set
Last week was kind of a blur. I met with the PS on Thursday and he gave me a once over (made sure my chest was rock hard--if only it were my abs that were) and we scheduled my exchange surgery for June 10. I was excited to get the surgery at the beginning of the summer and learn that I wouldn't need drains. I was so happy to hear this!!!!
Then my mood took a turn. I didn't get another injection and it felt strange. Not that I'm going for Dolly Partten or anything, but I assumed I'd get a little more in-- especially since we talked about doing it the week before. Also, I've had many people tell me to go bigger than I think I'll want. Easier said then done when I have no idea what I want or what this mess will look like when it is fixed up. UGH! So, I left the office and felt uneasy, anxious and completely unsure. I mean, if I'm going through all this pain and discomfort I better like these babies. : ) I called a close friend who has had surgery and talked with her and even looked at a picture of what she looks like in a swimsuit. Wow, talk about a good friend. I couldn't stop thinking about my decision so I called the PS and talked with Nikki. She told me to come in the following week and we would do another injection. I immediately felt better. So, on Monday morning I will get another injection.....maybe my last one, but who knows. I definitely didn't think this part would be as hard as it is for me.
Life has been good since I skipped a week of injections. I can even sleep on my side for a few minutes before it hurts. It just feels good to move from my back. I can't wait until I can see the chiropractor again! I will need to be put back together. I also have been able to workout and run a little more. Nothing like I'm used to, but at least it is something. I'm quickly realizing that these 5+ pounds are going to take me longer to get off then I'd like.
Reality check. We are house sitting and the teenage son was outside playing basketball with our family. He came up behind me with full intentions of being playful, fun and showing his love.... and gave me a HUGE bear hug. All I could do was yell, "You can't do that! You can't do that! You can't do that!" I think he was in shock and didn't know what to do. Brian encouraged him to let go of me and I held in my tears and prayed I wouldn't fall over. I knew he had no idea what he had done and he felt bad. I seriously thought my arms and chest wouldn't go back to their original spots and that the throbbing would last forever. I also kept checking to make sure my chest wasn't deflating. I recovered and talked to him about it. He knew I had surgery, but he quickly learned what that meant. He felt bad, but it was all good. Now he knows not to give me bear hugs until I let him know it is ok. I realized that just because people know I had surgery, it doesn't mean they know what these crazy expanders feel like and how painful it can be.
Well, time to go to bed. I will check in again on Monday and let you know how my injection goes. Hopefully I will have a better feeling when I leave this time.
Then my mood took a turn. I didn't get another injection and it felt strange. Not that I'm going for Dolly Partten or anything, but I assumed I'd get a little more in-- especially since we talked about doing it the week before. Also, I've had many people tell me to go bigger than I think I'll want. Easier said then done when I have no idea what I want or what this mess will look like when it is fixed up. UGH! So, I left the office and felt uneasy, anxious and completely unsure. I mean, if I'm going through all this pain and discomfort I better like these babies. : ) I called a close friend who has had surgery and talked with her and even looked at a picture of what she looks like in a swimsuit. Wow, talk about a good friend. I couldn't stop thinking about my decision so I called the PS and talked with Nikki. She told me to come in the following week and we would do another injection. I immediately felt better. So, on Monday morning I will get another injection.....maybe my last one, but who knows. I definitely didn't think this part would be as hard as it is for me.
Life has been good since I skipped a week of injections. I can even sleep on my side for a few minutes before it hurts. It just feels good to move from my back. I can't wait until I can see the chiropractor again! I will need to be put back together. I also have been able to workout and run a little more. Nothing like I'm used to, but at least it is something. I'm quickly realizing that these 5+ pounds are going to take me longer to get off then I'd like.
Reality check. We are house sitting and the teenage son was outside playing basketball with our family. He came up behind me with full intentions of being playful, fun and showing his love.... and gave me a HUGE bear hug. All I could do was yell, "You can't do that! You can't do that! You can't do that!" I think he was in shock and didn't know what to do. Brian encouraged him to let go of me and I held in my tears and prayed I wouldn't fall over. I knew he had no idea what he had done and he felt bad. I seriously thought my arms and chest wouldn't go back to their original spots and that the throbbing would last forever. I also kept checking to make sure my chest wasn't deflating. I recovered and talked to him about it. He knew I had surgery, but he quickly learned what that meant. He felt bad, but it was all good. Now he knows not to give me bear hugs until I let him know it is ok. I realized that just because people know I had surgery, it doesn't mean they know what these crazy expanders feel like and how painful it can be.
Well, time to go to bed. I will check in again on Monday and let you know how my injection goes. Hopefully I will have a better feeling when I leave this time.
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