Well, today is the 2nd day that I have a little more energy and feel like the pain is getting better. I can finally lift my arms above my head, pull shirts over my head (most of the time) and put dishes away. I even went back to work today. I know, it seems kind of fast, but I was going a little stir-crazy at home, plus I am only going to do about 10 hours this week. I'm still not able to drive--a little too painful under my arms on my sides and in the muscles by my armpits. So it was nice to get out of the house and get back into a semi-routine again. I was tired by the time our family drove home (we were all in the same building-so fun!), but felt good about everything I got done.
I had an appointment with my BS today and she was happy with my progress. She was amazed at how good I looked just under 2 weeks after the surgery. She told me the weight of my breasts (weird, I know), but it was interesting. They were different by 40 grams. Oh, the information you can learn about yourself and really, what does it matter. She also told me I am in the phase of swelling- usually 2-4 weeks after surgery. I'm praying I don't get more swollen--I'm not sure what I could fit into if I did. It was a great appointment and I left very encouraged. I walked away with a sheet of arm exercises and an appointment for the first week in June.
It has been interesting talking to friends and co-workers since my surgery. I think it is hard not to check out my chest, or lack there of, when you talk about it. Kind of makes me laugh. I have been trying to explain to Brian that I really have no connection to my chest anymore and you can find me flashing my friends whenever they want to see what it looks like. It kind of reminds me a science experiment. We hear all about mastectomies, but when you see it in person, it is so real and answers so many questions. And then I don't have to answer those questions. If others can learn from this, then I say- why not!
Well, I am off to bed. This has been a good day and I'm excited to see what tomorrow holds. Praying for it to get better and better each day.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
The Drains are out!!
This was a wonderful day! Ok, it didn't start out great--I got hit in the chest twice by my little 3 year old while trying to get him dressed and the tears started flowing, but it sure got better as the day went on. My sister came over once she heard I was in tears (so sweet) and played with Brady and also cleaned a bit. : ) I was able to relax and rest. She sure is taking good care of me and my kids!
We had an appointment to see the PS at 1:30 and I wasn't sure if I would get the drains out. Sure enough, I was ready! I exposed my chest and drains and moments later, he was pulling the drains out. I was warned that it might sting or pull a bit, but it would be fast. First one--fast, easy and didn't even hurt. The second one, not the same. I actually thought he dropped the scissors on my breast........ and then came the sting and pain. Wow, that one caught me off guard! Hours later, I felt much better. I think my nap helped with that too. Amazing how that short outing knocked me out. I was exhausted. Thankfully my amazing friend took the boys most of the afternoon and I was able to take care of myself.
I have this new sense of freedom--no more stripping the tubes and measuring fluids, no more awkward showers, no more lumpy sweatshirts (that will strictly be from my own bad eating) and no more pain under my arms. I can reach higher and will start to increase my movement, but still limit major movements and exercises. He told me I can't run for a couple more weeks and I laughed. I can't even imagine doing that. It still hurts to breath deep and even walk fast. BUT I do feel like things are really going to get better this week! I am thrilled.
Good news- the pathology report came back and it is negative. The BS said she didn't see anything during the surgery, but this was the final say. Yipppee!
Next step: See the BS next week and in 2 weeks, back to the PS to start my fills.
We had an appointment to see the PS at 1:30 and I wasn't sure if I would get the drains out. Sure enough, I was ready! I exposed my chest and drains and moments later, he was pulling the drains out. I was warned that it might sting or pull a bit, but it would be fast. First one--fast, easy and didn't even hurt. The second one, not the same. I actually thought he dropped the scissors on my breast........ and then came the sting and pain. Wow, that one caught me off guard! Hours later, I felt much better. I think my nap helped with that too. Amazing how that short outing knocked me out. I was exhausted. Thankfully my amazing friend took the boys most of the afternoon and I was able to take care of myself.
I have this new sense of freedom--no more stripping the tubes and measuring fluids, no more awkward showers, no more lumpy sweatshirts (that will strictly be from my own bad eating) and no more pain under my arms. I can reach higher and will start to increase my movement, but still limit major movements and exercises. He told me I can't run for a couple more weeks and I laughed. I can't even imagine doing that. It still hurts to breath deep and even walk fast. BUT I do feel like things are really going to get better this week! I am thrilled.
Good news- the pathology report came back and it is negative. The BS said she didn't see anything during the surgery, but this was the final say. Yipppee!
Next step: See the BS next week and in 2 weeks, back to the PS to start my fills.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
I feel so blessed.
That almost seems silly to write as I'm sitting here with a deformed chest covered with ice packs and mild pain, but in the midst of all of this (post surgery stuff, figuring out meds, where the kids will go, keeping track of the fluid in my drains, how I will shower, etc.), God has really opened my eyes to the amazing family and friends I have. Trust me, I know I am surrounded by great people, but when they shower you with flowers/gifts, stop by to check on you, drop off meals, offer to take your kids or take the kids, and cuddle up in bed next to you, you have a different outlook and view of your family and friends. I have not been very emotional about this surgery, but when it comes to my sweet friends and family, I get a little teary-eyed. God has given me a peace about everything and has really encouraged me and made me feel loved through my family and friends. And let me tell you, it is such a good feeling.......and I feel blessed.
These past couple of days have been days of figuring things out.
* Brian and i have mastered taking a shower--yes, I need his help to wash my hair and it is not the showering that most men want to help with. It probably looks quite comical. Here I am with a string around my neck with my drains attached and there's Brian, hanging over the top of the shower washing my hair. Oh the things you do for love!
* Kids' schedules. My sister has stepped in and helped with the boys whenever needed. And let me tell you, they don't really like staying at home anymore. They have too much fun with Auntie Heather and their cousins-and I love that!!
* Sleeping style. If I don't have it just right, I have a pain in my chest and get uncomfortable. So long to side sleeping. I have actually been sleeping in my glasses and it doesn't hurt (Brian has lost his job of taking my glasses off after I fall asleep). Brian did wake me up this morning saying, "Is that comfortable?" My head was hanging to the side and it didn't look good. Without missing a beat, I said, "NO!." and just readjusted and fell back to sleep. You don't have too many options when you have to sleep propped up on pillows on your back.
* Medications. Sweet Brian or shall I say, nurse Brian put together an Excel sheet for my meds....and thank goodness. I don't know how people take pills without writing it down. We started out strong our first night- Brian set his alarm for my pain pills which went off a couple of times during the night. Day 3 home, Brian asked if I could make it through the night without them. We are getting tired of waking up in the middle of the night, can you tell? And yes, I made it!!!
It has been great to see the boys again (in small doses--I don't have the energy yet). Today, Haddon was dragging his rocking chair up the stairs so he could "sit with mommy" (don't worry, Brian carried it all the way up). They also set up a stuffed animal recovery center in the room with me. It was so cute to watch as they brought in sheets, pillows and stuffed animals and carefully put them in their beds. The animals were definitely taken care of. If I can figure out how to post a picture, I'll put it on here. I love kids and the way they process things.
Thanks again for your prayers! It has gotten me through the worst part (I hope). : )
These past couple of days have been days of figuring things out.
* Brian and i have mastered taking a shower--yes, I need his help to wash my hair and it is not the showering that most men want to help with. It probably looks quite comical. Here I am with a string around my neck with my drains attached and there's Brian, hanging over the top of the shower washing my hair. Oh the things you do for love!
* Kids' schedules. My sister has stepped in and helped with the boys whenever needed. And let me tell you, they don't really like staying at home anymore. They have too much fun with Auntie Heather and their cousins-and I love that!!
* Sleeping style. If I don't have it just right, I have a pain in my chest and get uncomfortable. So long to side sleeping. I have actually been sleeping in my glasses and it doesn't hurt (Brian has lost his job of taking my glasses off after I fall asleep). Brian did wake me up this morning saying, "Is that comfortable?" My head was hanging to the side and it didn't look good. Without missing a beat, I said, "NO!." and just readjusted and fell back to sleep. You don't have too many options when you have to sleep propped up on pillows on your back.
* Medications. Sweet Brian or shall I say, nurse Brian put together an Excel sheet for my meds....and thank goodness. I don't know how people take pills without writing it down. We started out strong our first night- Brian set his alarm for my pain pills which went off a couple of times during the night. Day 3 home, Brian asked if I could make it through the night without them. We are getting tired of waking up in the middle of the night, can you tell? And yes, I made it!!!
It has been great to see the boys again (in small doses--I don't have the energy yet). Today, Haddon was dragging his rocking chair up the stairs so he could "sit with mommy" (don't worry, Brian carried it all the way up). They also set up a stuffed animal recovery center in the room with me. It was so cute to watch as they brought in sheets, pillows and stuffed animals and carefully put them in their beds. The animals were definitely taken care of. If I can figure out how to post a picture, I'll put it on here. I love kids and the way they process things.
Thanks again for your prayers! It has gotten me through the worst part (I hope). : )
Saturday, February 12, 2011
I made it!
Well, I had my surgery on Thursday at 3:30pm--only an hour behind schedule.
It was a long day of waiting and being hungry. The nurses at Fairview were awesome. When we arrived I checked in and then prepared for pre-op. I changed out of all of my clothes and put on a fun purple bear paws gown and socks and removed all valuables. I was given some beginning meds to prep me for the surgery, so when I went into the pre-op room, I had fun watching the nurses and doctors and making up my own Grey's Anatomy show. After about an hour of waiting, the plastic surgeon came in and drew lines on my chest and Brian and I couldn't resist taking pictures of my newly colored chest--I think he used a blue sharpie. We had some good laughs.
Once the OR opened up, I was wheeled up there........right after the nurse gave me something for the pain in my IV. I hate those things. Brian left and I went in to the brightly lit room and that's the last thing I remember from the surgery. I woke up in the recovery room overwhelmed with pain and emotion. I was crying and the poor nurses in there didn't know what to do with me. You'd think they'd be used to it, but they acted so surprised, but sweet and motherly and wished they could make the pain go away. I guess I was in there for almost 2 hours and then was bought up to my room. Now let me tell you, that was the worst ride I've ever had. Not only did I feel like there was an elephant on my chest and I couldn't breath, I was being wheeled around over bumps and turns that HURT my body. I was crying the whole way.
I had an amazing room- a corner room with 2 HUGE windows and nice views. That made up for my crappy ride up there. : ) I felt so much better on Friday, but still had some pains. I only felt nauseous when I got up to walk.....which was kind of painful. I was in bed most of the day and got up for an occasional walk down the hall--which made me so tired! I have a long road ahead of me. Yikes!
I had a few visitors on Friday and it was fun to see people. Lots of flowers and treats and amazing well-wishes. I feel so blessed.
It is Saturday now and I am at home. I was discharged at 1 or so. I was a little nervous to leave, but everyone was happy with my progress and how everything looked. I did get to take a shower at the hospital and felt much better after that. I have a lot to get used to--not only what it looks like, but how it feels. Very different. I am still very happy with my decision and heard from countless nurses that they would have done the same thing. It was nice. The breast surgeon also told me that one of the nurses that accompanied her in surgery was part of the test group with the BRCA testing and she had the surgery done 10 years ago. She said she has no regrets and it has given her such a peace of mind. I thought that was a pretty neat story.
We are trying to keep track of all these meds and make sure I'm not in too much pain. This typing is the most I've done in 3 days and now it is time to nap. Thanks for your prayers and thoughts. I'm on my way to recovering!!!
It was a long day of waiting and being hungry. The nurses at Fairview were awesome. When we arrived I checked in and then prepared for pre-op. I changed out of all of my clothes and put on a fun purple bear paws gown and socks and removed all valuables. I was given some beginning meds to prep me for the surgery, so when I went into the pre-op room, I had fun watching the nurses and doctors and making up my own Grey's Anatomy show. After about an hour of waiting, the plastic surgeon came in and drew lines on my chest and Brian and I couldn't resist taking pictures of my newly colored chest--I think he used a blue sharpie. We had some good laughs.
Once the OR opened up, I was wheeled up there........right after the nurse gave me something for the pain in my IV. I hate those things. Brian left and I went in to the brightly lit room and that's the last thing I remember from the surgery. I woke up in the recovery room overwhelmed with pain and emotion. I was crying and the poor nurses in there didn't know what to do with me. You'd think they'd be used to it, but they acted so surprised, but sweet and motherly and wished they could make the pain go away. I guess I was in there for almost 2 hours and then was bought up to my room. Now let me tell you, that was the worst ride I've ever had. Not only did I feel like there was an elephant on my chest and I couldn't breath, I was being wheeled around over bumps and turns that HURT my body. I was crying the whole way.
I had an amazing room- a corner room with 2 HUGE windows and nice views. That made up for my crappy ride up there. : ) I felt so much better on Friday, but still had some pains. I only felt nauseous when I got up to walk.....which was kind of painful. I was in bed most of the day and got up for an occasional walk down the hall--which made me so tired! I have a long road ahead of me. Yikes!
I had a few visitors on Friday and it was fun to see people. Lots of flowers and treats and amazing well-wishes. I feel so blessed.
It is Saturday now and I am at home. I was discharged at 1 or so. I was a little nervous to leave, but everyone was happy with my progress and how everything looked. I did get to take a shower at the hospital and felt much better after that. I have a lot to get used to--not only what it looks like, but how it feels. Very different. I am still very happy with my decision and heard from countless nurses that they would have done the same thing. It was nice. The breast surgeon also told me that one of the nurses that accompanied her in surgery was part of the test group with the BRCA testing and she had the surgery done 10 years ago. She said she has no regrets and it has given her such a peace of mind. I thought that was a pretty neat story.
We are trying to keep track of all these meds and make sure I'm not in too much pain. This typing is the most I've done in 3 days and now it is time to nap. Thanks for your prayers and thoughts. I'm on my way to recovering!!!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
T'was the night before........
It is almost midnight and I just finished drinking a protein shake. Strange, huh? Well, I'm not supposed to eat anything after midnight and I just worked out a little bit ago. I couldn't shut off the voice inside my head that said I'm not going to be able to workout for a couple of weeks. So, I dragged myself out of bed and did a little workout tape--just like the old days. : )
Well, my emotions have held up quite well today. The only time I cried was when a dear friend came to church and prayed for me. It was so calming and peaceful and I felt such a peace come over me. It was so touching and just what I needed! She definitely has the gift of prayer. She prays boldly and with such sincere care for others. What a wonderful example!
I have tried not to think too much about tomorrow and in fact, I've limited who I talk to today. I'm not sure why, but I just haven't wanted to talk about it today. I'm not having second thoughts, I think the more I talk about it, the more the reality of the recovery (i.e. pain) fills my mind. And lately, I get a little nauseous every time I think too much about it--which makes me a little nervous. Ok, I have to stop thinking about it or this protein shake will do me no good tonight!!
My kids are excited to spend time with their auntie and cousins which is the best! I feel such a peace about my kids being with my sister. Thank God for amazing sisters! It can make such a difference-especially when you are going through something like this. She has also agreed to keep up the blog while I am out of commission. She will update how I am feeling right after surgery or so.
Thanks again for the encouragement and love. I have such amazing friends and family!!!!!
Well, my emotions have held up quite well today. The only time I cried was when a dear friend came to church and prayed for me. It was so calming and peaceful and I felt such a peace come over me. It was so touching and just what I needed! She definitely has the gift of prayer. She prays boldly and with such sincere care for others. What a wonderful example!
I have tried not to think too much about tomorrow and in fact, I've limited who I talk to today. I'm not sure why, but I just haven't wanted to talk about it today. I'm not having second thoughts, I think the more I talk about it, the more the reality of the recovery (i.e. pain) fills my mind. And lately, I get a little nauseous every time I think too much about it--which makes me a little nervous. Ok, I have to stop thinking about it or this protein shake will do me no good tonight!!
My kids are excited to spend time with their auntie and cousins which is the best! I feel such a peace about my kids being with my sister. Thank God for amazing sisters! It can make such a difference-especially when you are going through something like this. She has also agreed to keep up the blog while I am out of commission. She will update how I am feeling right after surgery or so.
Thanks again for the encouragement and love. I have such amazing friends and family!!!!!
Monday, February 7, 2011
3 more days......
I have written this blog many times in my head, but every time I thought about signing on and really writing it, I couldn't. I'm not sure if it was because it all feels so real and scary or if I feel like I have other things that are more important to get done.
That aside, here I am, writing three days before the big surgery. I have been soaking up my kids--picking them up, cuddling with them and hugging them. We have had talks that mommy won't be able to pick them up after surgery, but I sure will want to. I've also enjoyed sleeping flat on my back, my side and on my belly--all things I won't be able to do for a while. And also all things that seem so trivial compared to other things people are going through. I think of my aunt who just found out she has breast cancer. They are hopeful that it was found early enough and they will only have to do a lumpectomy, but I still cried as I read the email. I cried because it is all too real. I cried for my cousins because I know how it feels to get that call- especially when you live far away. I cried because it made me sad that my aunt will have to go through all of the emotional and physical things that come along with this horrible disease. Luckily she is strong and has a very supportive family. That is 5 out of 8 siblings on my mom's side who have had breast cancer. Have I told you that I hate cancer!!!
Well, I'm feeling very blah right now. My emotions are strange--happy one minute, numb the next, and crying about who knows what the next minute. It has been a strange couple of days. I will write more tomorrow.
p.s. Found someone to clean our house while I am recovering. She is awesome and she cleaned it today. Now that made me happy!!!
That aside, here I am, writing three days before the big surgery. I have been soaking up my kids--picking them up, cuddling with them and hugging them. We have had talks that mommy won't be able to pick them up after surgery, but I sure will want to. I've also enjoyed sleeping flat on my back, my side and on my belly--all things I won't be able to do for a while. And also all things that seem so trivial compared to other things people are going through. I think of my aunt who just found out she has breast cancer. They are hopeful that it was found early enough and they will only have to do a lumpectomy, but I still cried as I read the email. I cried because it is all too real. I cried for my cousins because I know how it feels to get that call- especially when you live far away. I cried because it made me sad that my aunt will have to go through all of the emotional and physical things that come along with this horrible disease. Luckily she is strong and has a very supportive family. That is 5 out of 8 siblings on my mom's side who have had breast cancer. Have I told you that I hate cancer!!!
Well, I'm feeling very blah right now. My emotions are strange--happy one minute, numb the next, and crying about who knows what the next minute. It has been a strange couple of days. I will write more tomorrow.
p.s. Found someone to clean our house while I am recovering. She is awesome and she cleaned it today. Now that made me happy!!!
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