I have hit a new phase

Well, I feel like I have hit a new phase in this adventure. It is all becoming a little emotional and scary as the date gets closer. Don't get me wrong, I am still confident in my decision, but I am thinking about too many scenes I've seen on these OR tv shows. Ugh!

I have been looking into having someone come and clean the house post-surgery, so I don't have to stress about that. Well, in my email exchanges with this stranger, she calls me "brave" after I tell her what I'm about to do. As I read her sweet and caring email (let me remind you....from a stranger), I cried. Never would I think I was brave for doing this, but it definitely hit an emotional button when I read it. It was almost refreshing to read that she thought I was brave for doing this instead of extreme or foolish for making a drastic decision. It was almost "mother-like" when I read her words. And thus, starts my new phase of tears and emotions.

If you have ever lost a mother to cancer, tested positive for the BRCA gene or know someone who has, Pretty is What Changes by Jessica Queller, is a great book to read. My cousin gave it to me. She read it when her sister had this same surgery. She said she cried reading it (her mother died from breast cancer also) and after I picked up.......I knew why. It touches on some deep topics and emotions, but it is very well written. I just reread some of the details from Jessica's surgery because it is helping me mentally prepare. Yet, at the same time, it brings up memories of my mom and the emotions that will probably come out before and after the surgery.

This whole thing is definitely becoming very real for me. The surgery will be here before I know it and I will be honest, it is kind of scaring me a bit. I know I will be fine, I will be happy I did it when it is over, but the mental and emotional mind games while I'm waiting.......that's the hardest thing right now. Oh, and maybe my crazy imagination and my to do list! : )