Ok, I have a couple things I HAVE to do before I have surgery per the hospital/surgeon:
1. Have a physical- I finally made an appointment. Check!
2. Buy a front closure bra for after surgery. No check.
Ok, let me tell you, I was dreading finding a store and even started looking online to order one (and if you know me, I'm not very good at online shopping. Let's just say, I have many shopping carts filled with clothes I've never bought, but wish I would have). So, guess what store opens up a mile from our house? You guessed it.....Underneath It All. This is a store "filling your intimate needs after breast surgery". When Brian told me, I couldn't believe it. If you would have asked me what stores were going to open up in this little strip mall, I NEVER would have thought it would be Underneath It All. Yet another thing that makes me feel good about my decision. Isn't it amazing what we think are signs after we've made a decision. : )
I'm sure it will be an experience going in this store, picking out a bra for a surgery I have no idea what the outcome will be (I'm being informed of just how sore I will be), and paying $50 for it--again, I have the thrifty gene from my mom. But boy am I happy I don't have to drive all over the place looking for it! Woohoo! Funny to find joy in this little thing.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
One Month and Counting
Well, I have hit the countdown. One month from today, I will be at the hospital with Brian, hopefully recovering nicely with hardly any pain (a girl can hope).
The reality of the surgery has started to settle in as I start to make plans for the kids while I'm at the hospital and after I'm home. It makes me a little anxious, but I know it will all work out. Thank God for my sister. When you can't have your mom, your sister is a sweet second best!! It has also started to sink in that I might not be up and running around a week after my surgery. I've been playing it my head that I'll be fine after a week and back to normal activity minus the lifting and stretching........oh, and working out (still a sore subject). BUT I am starting to rethink it all. After a quick conversation with my sister, I realized I better give myself a little more time to recover and not push it too fast. This will be hard for me, but I think I'll have many friends and family that will remind me. : )
The one thing I'm reminded of as I start this whole process is how wonderful my family and friends are. Brian has been very encouraging and supportive during the dr. appointments, my random thoughts about surgery, my sad days, and decisions that have to be made. I have also received so much support from others about my decision and offers for help with the boys and food. I'm pleasantly surprised and I don't really know why. I know I have awesome friends, but I guess still thought people would judge me for making such a drastic decision. And wow, have I changed that thought! I'm so blessed with such amazing, loving and caring friends and family. That is exactly what will get me through this whole procedure.
Next step in this process (and I have pages of instructions before surgery): Get a physical by my family physician (who I haven't seen in YEARS!!)
The reality of the surgery has started to settle in as I start to make plans for the kids while I'm at the hospital and after I'm home. It makes me a little anxious, but I know it will all work out. Thank God for my sister. When you can't have your mom, your sister is a sweet second best!! It has also started to sink in that I might not be up and running around a week after my surgery. I've been playing it my head that I'll be fine after a week and back to normal activity minus the lifting and stretching........oh, and working out (still a sore subject). BUT I am starting to rethink it all. After a quick conversation with my sister, I realized I better give myself a little more time to recover and not push it too fast. This will be hard for me, but I think I'll have many friends and family that will remind me. : )
The one thing I'm reminded of as I start this whole process is how wonderful my family and friends are. Brian has been very encouraging and supportive during the dr. appointments, my random thoughts about surgery, my sad days, and decisions that have to be made. I have also received so much support from others about my decision and offers for help with the boys and food. I'm pleasantly surprised and I don't really know why. I know I have awesome friends, but I guess still thought people would judge me for making such a drastic decision. And wow, have I changed that thought! I'm so blessed with such amazing, loving and caring friends and family. That is exactly what will get me through this whole procedure.
Next step in this process (and I have pages of instructions before surgery): Get a physical by my family physician (who I haven't seen in YEARS!!)
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Gone Too Soon
Today I attended a funeral of a Wooddale mother who died too young. She was only 49 years old and battled breast cancer for 3 years. She leaves behind a husband and 2 children- 1st and 3rd grade. It breaks my heart imagining these children trying to understand why their mom isn't here anymore--especially such a strong woman of God. Thank goodness they have a strong faith in God and are trusting and relying on HIm to get them through this hard time. The celebration was a wonderful tribute to the powerful legacy she leaves behind for her children, family and friends.
Of course, attending funerals brings back such tender moments and I relive the emotions of losing a mom. I cried just thinking of these sweet kids and the day they said goodbye to their mom-holding her hand, hugging her and crying together. It is all too real and vivid. I also sit and think, "I don't want this to be me". It hit me today exactly why I'm having this surgery. I want to do what I can so I don't have to say goodbye to my kids because a horrible disease took my life.........and one that I could have done something about with the information I have. I feel very confident in taking the first step in fighting for my life and health and the many years I want to have with my family.
Happy New Year! May this be a year that we stop and spend meaningful time with the ones we love!!
Of course, attending funerals brings back such tender moments and I relive the emotions of losing a mom. I cried just thinking of these sweet kids and the day they said goodbye to their mom-holding her hand, hugging her and crying together. It is all too real and vivid. I also sit and think, "I don't want this to be me". It hit me today exactly why I'm having this surgery. I want to do what I can so I don't have to say goodbye to my kids because a horrible disease took my life.........and one that I could have done something about with the information I have. I feel very confident in taking the first step in fighting for my life and health and the many years I want to have with my family.
Happy New Year! May this be a year that we stop and spend meaningful time with the ones we love!!
Friday, December 10, 2010
Approved and Scheduled!
Well, we found out our insurance has approved my surgery and will cover 100% after we meet our deducible. Woohoo!! We were a little nervous that we might have to pay 20%--which adds up FAST!! Then, a couple of days later I was called with a surgery date at North Memorial. I was immediately nervous. That is not were we talked about having it and yikes, it was now becoming so real. The lady on the phone wasn't thrilled, but agreed to talk with the surgeon and plastic surgeon again and find a date for Fairview Hospital. So, now it is set: February 10 at Fairview. Unfortunately, we will be spending our anniversary either in the hospital (only if things don't go well) or recovering at home. Sorry, babe!! I know this isn't what he imagined happening on our special day!
People ask how I feel about it now. Well, the bottom line is: I'm a little scared now that I have a date. It is a little more permanent and real. I know I want to do it, but the thought of surgery and recovery is a little nerve racking--especially with 2 young boys running around. I know this is a good decision for me and my family, but there is a small sacrifice. I know I will be happy when it is done and I will have a peace about it all.
People ask how I feel about it now. Well, the bottom line is: I'm a little scared now that I have a date. It is a little more permanent and real. I know I want to do it, but the thought of surgery and recovery is a little nerve racking--especially with 2 young boys running around. I know this is a good decision for me and my family, but there is a small sacrifice. I know I will be happy when it is done and I will have a peace about it all.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Two Years
The day after Thanksgiving marks the 2nd anniversary of my mom's death. And let me tell you, each year, I relive the horrible week we weren't really prepared for. It all starts on Halloween when I remember how my mom was heading to Israel and how she had a hard time breathing on the plane. My dad told me and I felt so sad for her. She always wanted to go to Israel and she was on her way, but not with 100% lung capacity.......... and with a group of strangers. It was a little risky health-wise, but she was determined. She struggled through the trip, but she made it!
When she returned, it wasn't long. She was scheduled for a surgery to help reduce the amount of fluid going into her lungs and I didn't think much of it. I remember getting the call that things didn't go well and how my dad actually thought she was going to die during the surgery (which they didn't even do). Life was never that same after that. A surgery turned into hours and days at the hospital watching our mom stop eating and eventually doing a lot of sleeping (which we later found out was a coma). We all took turns staying, and when I couldn't stay, my sister and I texted updates about our mom all night. It was so surreal and we felt so helpless.
When our mom was awake, we all tried to stay so positive. We'd excuse ourselves and cry in the hall. I remember one day when I arrived I was told in the hall that she had a huge tumor and they couldn't do anything about it. It was pretty much the worst thing to hear. I walked into the room, sat on the bed with my mom and cried while I hugged her. I told her I was sorry I was crying and she said, "I know, this is tough stuff." I wish I could write that after that point I asked her important questions, soaked up her wisdom or even listened to her talk about her life, but things went fast, it was busy with visitors and I just didn't think she was going to die (denial maybe).
When she was awake, she didn't really talk much or would try to fall back to sleep. I do have a memory of all of us trying to get her to eat. My dad went out and bought her a blizzard. She wasn't even close to interested in it and if you knew my mom, you know that wasn't normal. We all have an amazing sweet tooth. She gave us a look and I knew she wasn't going to eat anymore. This was one of the many signs that her body was done fighting. It was hard to see and it only got worse.
It is amazing how much I miss my mom (and especially this week) and all the memories I have of her last weeks alive. I wish I could call her up or go and cuddle with her on the green couch. Today I heard a song from her funeral and I cried in the kitchen. Yesterday, I heard another song that just reminded me of her and I cried as I was driving with my kids. I try to talk about my mom with the boys, but they don't really remember her. This is the hardest thing for me. I wanted my kids to know my mom and have fun memories with her. But I will continue to talk about her, show pictures of her and sing some of her favorite songs with my kids. They might not know her the way I wanted, but they will at least know a part of her.
It feels good to write about this......and I'm sure there will be more this week.
When she returned, it wasn't long. She was scheduled for a surgery to help reduce the amount of fluid going into her lungs and I didn't think much of it. I remember getting the call that things didn't go well and how my dad actually thought she was going to die during the surgery (which they didn't even do). Life was never that same after that. A surgery turned into hours and days at the hospital watching our mom stop eating and eventually doing a lot of sleeping (which we later found out was a coma). We all took turns staying, and when I couldn't stay, my sister and I texted updates about our mom all night. It was so surreal and we felt so helpless.
When our mom was awake, we all tried to stay so positive. We'd excuse ourselves and cry in the hall. I remember one day when I arrived I was told in the hall that she had a huge tumor and they couldn't do anything about it. It was pretty much the worst thing to hear. I walked into the room, sat on the bed with my mom and cried while I hugged her. I told her I was sorry I was crying and she said, "I know, this is tough stuff." I wish I could write that after that point I asked her important questions, soaked up her wisdom or even listened to her talk about her life, but things went fast, it was busy with visitors and I just didn't think she was going to die (denial maybe).
When she was awake, she didn't really talk much or would try to fall back to sleep. I do have a memory of all of us trying to get her to eat. My dad went out and bought her a blizzard. She wasn't even close to interested in it and if you knew my mom, you know that wasn't normal. We all have an amazing sweet tooth. She gave us a look and I knew she wasn't going to eat anymore. This was one of the many signs that her body was done fighting. It was hard to see and it only got worse.
It is amazing how much I miss my mom (and especially this week) and all the memories I have of her last weeks alive. I wish I could call her up or go and cuddle with her on the green couch. Today I heard a song from her funeral and I cried in the kitchen. Yesterday, I heard another song that just reminded me of her and I cried as I was driving with my kids. I try to talk about my mom with the boys, but they don't really remember her. This is the hardest thing for me. I wanted my kids to know my mom and have fun memories with her. But I will continue to talk about her, show pictures of her and sing some of her favorite songs with my kids. They might not know her the way I wanted, but they will at least know a part of her.
It feels good to write about this......and I'm sure there will be more this week.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
The Waiting Game
Well, we met with the plastic surgeon about two weeks ago and things are on there way. After our initial introduction, he told me to put on the gown and he'd be back. Well, he forgot to mention that he'd be brining in his assistant to take pictures of my chest.....and my face so she "could recognize me by my face and not just my chest". Ha! Like my chest would leave that kind of impression on someone. : ) It was kind of strange, as I stepped into an adjoining room set up for pictures and disrobed in front of a stranger and my husband in the next room watching. Just a little weird. I wish I would have known about the pictures. I would have had perfect posture to make sure no one saw the lines from my stomach folds. Oh, the things you think about.
After a long and thorough conversation about the operations, options and details, we were on our way. I liked him. We made him laugh which is a good sign. He told me this was a smart move and again, I felt encouraged by my decision. I do have a lot of decisions to make- do I keep my nipples (another interesting conversation), do I do a one-step or multiple surgeries, etc. At this point, I want someone to tell me what to do (because they know best) and I will do it.
I have decided to stay in MN for the surgery. I threw around the idea of traveling to NY to have it done in one-step at the same place my cousin had it done, but I think I need to be home. I want to be surrounded by family and friends and I don't think I could be away from my boys for that long. In fact, I have a feeling this surgery will bring a lot of feelings out and I just might need the support of family and friends.
Now we wait. The plastic surgeon sent a letter to our insurance company and now we wait to see if they will approve it. If they do, we will schedule the surgery for their earliest appointment available, which is in February now. I want to get in as soon as possible so we only have to pay our deductible once for all of the surgeries. This whole process/surgeries could take up to a year.....I hope not though. And now we wait and see.
After a long and thorough conversation about the operations, options and details, we were on our way. I liked him. We made him laugh which is a good sign. He told me this was a smart move and again, I felt encouraged by my decision. I do have a lot of decisions to make- do I keep my nipples (another interesting conversation), do I do a one-step or multiple surgeries, etc. At this point, I want someone to tell me what to do (because they know best) and I will do it.
I have decided to stay in MN for the surgery. I threw around the idea of traveling to NY to have it done in one-step at the same place my cousin had it done, but I think I need to be home. I want to be surrounded by family and friends and I don't think I could be away from my boys for that long. In fact, I have a feeling this surgery will bring a lot of feelings out and I just might need the support of family and friends.
Now we wait. The plastic surgeon sent a letter to our insurance company and now we wait to see if they will approve it. If they do, we will schedule the surgery for their earliest appointment available, which is in February now. I want to get in as soon as possible so we only have to pay our deductible once for all of the surgeries. This whole process/surgeries could take up to a year.....I hope not though. And now we wait and see.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Why are you doing this surgery?
I love this question and I hate it. I get this question quite a bit when I tell people what I'm about to do. What's great about it is that I have to rethink why I truly am doing this surgery and communicate it to someone who doesn't know my family history, the hundreds of dollars or more (more like a thousand) I spend on preventative testing a year and the statistics and encouragement I get to do the surgery from my doctors. The bummer thing about this question is you can immediately tell who thinks this is a drastic decision and maybe unnecessary. They give you a quick "wow" and an "I'm so sorry" look and don't give you much eye contact. It is very interesting. It sure helps you to be confident in the decision you've made and how you communicate it to others.
I have to admit, there are days when I struggle with how I could be one of the 40% who doesn't get breast cancer or how I should trust God. And then there are days when the slightest pain makes me think that I have cancer. It sure hasn't been fun. So, I can have a surgery that reduces my chances to almost nothing or live in fear thinking about WHEN I will have cancer. It sure isn't a fun place to be in and I'm ready to take the next step to give me peace of mind.
Next step: I continue to research the One Step surgery (It has been nice because I have a cousin who has already done this surgery and is full of helpful information) and I will meet with a plastic surgeon next week. Time to write down questions, get answers, make a decision on which surgery and then set a date.
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